Changes....(PRESENT)

My boyfriend and I broke up in early February and I basically ran away to my friends house, and lived with them for a month. My friends are a poly family and were looking for a third, to be honest i just wanted a safe place to hide where I was too far away to beg my EX to take me back. I was such a three way relationship wouldn't work, and i told them so. They were okay with me just being a friend, maybe a benefriend, if i wanted. At first i was eager for the distraction they offered, just someone who cared about me and something to do. We had a lot of fun, I loved being around their kids and I was slowly starting to really the guy....

The problem was that I was in such emotional pain though, from my ex, that i was having trouble controlling my *other half.* I have never felt that way before, like my skin wasn't my own, it wasn't a feeling I liked and it isn't one i ever care to feel again. Added to it was the stress from their relationship falling apart, and additionally
I didn't care for how his fiancee treated his daughter. It reminded me way too much of how my mother treated me.  All and all it was not a good place mentally for me but at the same time being here with him was the happiest i'd been in YEARS. As the month wore on, I got closer to him and when they did break up, I was asked to go back to my familiies ranch for a month while they settle out his and hers and she gets packed up. I didn't like that idea at all, i was afraid  i wouldn't have a place to come back to and I was totally in love with the kids and falling for him. That and i was HAPPY. I had forgotten what it was like not to fight ever other day, to not worry and stress. I didn't want it to end. He promised I could come back, as a friend, as a nanny and maybe, even as his slave. ^_^ (he was really hurt and didn't want to date anyone for a while. A common thought after one gets out of a long term relationship)

The month pasted slowly with me struggling to keep things in check at the ranch while worrying about things with my friend. He wasn't really talking to me, because she went through everything of his and he didn't want to hurt her if he could help it. I could see the dominate in him, but i also recognized that he could be very malleable and this worried me greatly. I wanted my chance with him and she was totally wrong for him and most certainly for his kids..... I worried that she would talk him into taking her back. Each time i talked to him, half of it felt like it was coming from her and not him. It just didn't feel right. I'd have to call at just the right times where he'd be alone to remind him why he was doing this and make sure he was getting what he wanted and that he didn't let her manipulate him. ( guess i was doing the same, but with the best intentions.)

The city they lived in is very kink friendly and open, I wanted to live there reguardless of what happened with me and him, I wanted to finally live as a slave and have my Master. I was talking to a guy online that ill call Talyor and he was sweet. If i didn't have kitten, and i was a normal person then i would be thrilled but all i could think was that it would be so boring to be with such a sweetie. However, I just couldn't let him go, I mean, finally a nice guy wants to be with me.... He was everything I ever dreamed, but he didn't seem to be anywhere in Kittens dreams but maybe he could learn? (I always hope this as i can hear kitten snort, and say yeah right.)

My friend was getting more and more unstable, originally i was suppose to move out there to help him with the kids and get things on track but then suddenly he didn't want that anymore... maybe i could come out in a month or two, but i could visit in the mean time. I was scared i was going to be stuck out on the ranch with my crazy family. Taylor offered to come and get me... Normally i would never do this but i was desperate to get away from my family and start rebuilding my life. I agreed. Taylor was just as cute as he described and i quickly fell for him, as i worried about how this could work with kitten. Her being ignored again, like she had been by my EX was not an option. Even so I agreed to try dating him instead of the arrangement I had worked out with my friend.

Once I got into the city (4hours of driving later) we hung out and yes, we made love a few times. (ill go over that later) When he had to go to work the next day, I had my friend pick me up so we could talk and I could explain that being his slave was not an option anymore but I would still like to be his nanny/maid/chef if he still wanted me to. That conversation went largely as I expected it to....I knew it wouldn't go over well and kitten was sure of his response but I told myself she was wrong. I could control the conversation and more importantly i could control myself, and to a point i thought i could control my friend's response. This is what i told myself as kitten laughed at me and quietly whispered to me that i was a fool if i believed that.